yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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