Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
