Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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