There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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