then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
