just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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