to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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