i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
