So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
