i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
