I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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