he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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