You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
