Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
