Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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