Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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