I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize