its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
It's blow job season.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
