idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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