Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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