New low: just hacked my moms facebook
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
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I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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