he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
