im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize