...so i touched it.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
