plz talk dirty to me
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
