at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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