there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
