Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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