How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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