i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
