I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
and you fell through a lawn chair
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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