so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
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I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
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How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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