Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
