I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
