Moan for me like Helen Keller
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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