i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
