Barsexuality is the new black.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
