She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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