I swear she didn't look like that last week.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
All I want is dick and wine.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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