I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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