Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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