I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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