Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
