so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I have peed in a lot of sinks
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
