We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
