You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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