how can u be prego again
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
