I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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