just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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