I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
