the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
