Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
