3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Randomize
