After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
