I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Randomize
