: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
