You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize