Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Your penis caused this!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize