I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Randomize
