If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
