You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
